Perceptions
by Vreeka
Summary: A series of drabbles. "He's not right for Buffy, but maybe that's because I hope to be right for her." Xander's thoughts throughout the ages, his take on moments of Buffy's life more specifically her men and how it affects his own. Expect B/A mention.
1. Season 1: First Impressions

Because nobody likes a vague DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Summary: A series of drabbles. "He's not right for Buffy, but maybe that's because I hope to be right for her." Xander's thoughts throughout the ages (aka seasons and beyond). His take on moments of Buffy's life (more specifically her men) and how it affects his own. Expect B/A mention!

Spoilers: Anything BTVS TV series and some Angel series canon.

A/N: I've always liked Xander as a character, even when he was just funny. Then, when he became the insider, the "heart" of the group it was interesting to see him grow into more than just comic relief. How he goes from a naive teenager who sees things in black and white, to the man who sees everything. I've always respected the conviction he has in his opinion, though I haven't always agreed with him. This is me trying to make sense of it all.

Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated!

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**PERCEPTIONS**

She's the whole package, and it takes me all of a second to realize it. All of a second to lose myself in the sight of her, but i'm too preocupied with how I'm going to meet the girl to acknowledge the pain and embarrasment I should be in. Then, when I do, it takes all of a second for the dork in me to surface too. But I won't give up, despite the first impression she must have of me. Besides, I've got time to get her to warm up to me, it's only the first day after all.

Or so I thought.

Who's That Guy?

I don't like him. And it's not just my jealousy gland talking either. Something about him is just off. He's not right for Buffy, but maybe that's because I hope to be right for her. But deep down, I know I'm not. Never will be. I'm "one of the girls", I'll never transcend. Doesn't stop how I feel though. And Angel, well she's into that whole bad boy thing he has going on, I can tell. All girls are, why would she be any different? How I hate the way of the world.

At this point, the best I can hope for is that she'll tire of his good looks, or get a lobotomy.

Yeah, I don't like my odds either.


	2. Season 1: The Other Brooding Guy

Because nobody likes a vague DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Summary: Xander's thoughts continue, set during 'Never kill a boy on the first date".

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I revoke my opinion on Buffy's taste in men. Turns out, it's not the bad boy thing she's into; it's that whole tortured act thing. Don't get me wrong, that Angel guy still rubs me the wrong way, but this guy is too close for comfort. At least Angel has the decency to stay away when there isn't a crisis. I can barely compete with the guy she hardly ever sees, how will I fare against a guy that not only possesses the quality's she's into, but is also easily accessible?

Then there's that whole the inferiority complex these guys are giving me. God knows I can't pull off the dark and dangerous act, therefore impressing her is next to impossible. The inadequacy I feel compared to them, probably doesn't help matters either.

But the whole Anointed One fiasco, helped kill two birds with one stone. Buffy got over her Owen crush (I know this makes me kind of a jerk, so be it), and Angel got the boot (so to speak) by seeing her on a date.

So maybe there's hope for me yet.


	3. Season 1: A Chance At Danger

Because nobody likes a vague DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Summary: Set during The Pack.

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At first, the whole hyena possession had been kinda fun. But I think that's mainly the hyena working it's animalistic view into my brain. And I know it's sick, but I also kinda hoped Buffy would finally see me in a new light. And she did, only she REALLY didn't like it. I mean, I hadn't either. I never wanted to hurt Willow, or anyone for that matter. But for a minute, I thought I had finally become the kind of guy she could take seriously. But the desk marks are proof enough of how wrong I am. Being Xander, it's a position i'm well familiar with. So, I've come to the conclusion that I know nothing about what women want.

Oh yeah, and I hate hyenas, I'll never touch pork again, and the bad-boy thing is definitely overrated.


	4. Season 1: In Love With A Vampire?

Because nobody likes a vague DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Summary: Set during Angel.

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At first, I think this is my way in. No way she can still be into him after knowing he's an un-dead guy. But that thought lasts all of three seconds, or so. Not only does she still like the vampire, but she's in love with him too. They've known each other for all of a minute, and she's in love with him? OK sure, he saved her life, spent a night sleeping on her floor, they shared one lousy kiss, and he killed his ex for her, but he's still a vampire. A blood-sucking creature of the night, and OK fine, he has a soul. But she's still a slayer, and especially since it's sort of her job to kill his kind, and it's his "job" to kill hers. How does that make for eternal bliss? Even temporary bliss?

Of course I have no back up either. Willow's a girl; she's as blind as Buffy regarding Angel. Buffy's mom is absolutely in the blank about everything, so clearly no help to be had there. I can't even rely on good old stuffy British guy as backup. No, all he can think of is what a good asset Angel can be to her. Can no one see the truth but me?

I've lost to the guy with no pulse, the guy who might kill her. Doesn't do much for your self-esteem.


	5. Season 1: The Breath Of Life

Because nobody likes a vague DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Summary: Takes place at the End of Season 1. 

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I just have no luck. I'm the hero, in the sense that I brought her back, but he still got the girl. Ok, so actually Buffy's the hero, but it was me who saved her life. Me, who even got the guy to go help her. Who would have thought i'd be more courageous than the vampire?

So, why does he get all the damn credit? OK, so she thanked me. Not what I meant.

At first, I didn't like the guy. NOW, I kinda really HATED him.

(And no, my 16 year old brain DOESN'T think that's too strong of a word.)


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